This week I had a bit of a nervous breakdown. I was hormonal from taking Clomid (which did not work on the first try, sadly) and feeling generally overwhelmed. Abigail is so amazing, I have a hard time imagining having another kid. I sort of love our little family just how it is, but I think another one would be great too. It’s just hard because with trouble ovulating, school, being over 30 (I know, I’m still young, but I worry. Do you know the odds of having a Downs baby after 30? Google it. It scares me.) and everything else going on I was just feeling very stressed. I talked to my husband about it and we decided that with my weight (nearly as high as it was when I delivered Abby) and stress levels I need to do something or I will be in trouble in the future. I have about fifty pounds to lose and all efforts to make positive changes have failed. I have great intentions, but a workout routine just never seems to materialize. If I can’t do it in law school, how am I supposed to do it when I’m an attorney? Not to mention that pregnancy will go a lot better if I’m not a) so out of shape any effort induces asthma symptoms and b) so fat that the baby is statistically more likely to be large and my chances of gestational diabetes go up. I’m actually having trouble sleeping at night due to my weight.
Recently, like within the last two months or so, my abdominal muscles gave up. I now have that Thing that fat people have. Up to now, I have managed to skate by with the weight distributed all over. This means I may be considered “obese” but because I’m tall with a small waist and big boobs I still look pretty damn good naked. Now, The Thing has appeared. You know The Thing. People at bargain basement stores in sweats driving around on little motorized shopping carts have it. People who’ve had multiple pregnancies (at once I mean) have it (provided they don’t get free tummy tucks like Kate Gosselin did, the lucky duck!). The Thing is what those 80 dollar Lane Bryant jeans are intended to hide. I really wish I had bought those instead of the 30 dollar equivalent at another store. The Thing is what you USED to grab onto when you were a skinny teenager and you relaxed your stomach muscles, because it was dramatic to pretend it was fat and not relaxed muscle and skin, and now I can grab it even when I’m flexing my hardest and standing up straight. It HANGS. I had gotten quite used to nothing HANGING. Are you disturbed? Because I am. Enough to do something about it. I just hope my body can recover, I’d hate to start selling myself in exchange for plastic surgery.
Today I bought a treadmill. I’m not sure if I have blogged about our last treadmill and how it tried to KILL every person in my family, but suffice it to say it got returned to the store. I felt defeated (and pissed) and decided I needed to go to a gym instead. I’m pretty sure that was almost two years ago now. This new treadmill is SO pretty. It has an iPod jack and built in speakers and it does interval training. Do you know what that is (and how awesome it is)? Basically, it makes you go slow/fast slow/fast over and over to help you build cardiovascular endurance. This is the best and quickest way to train your lungs and prevent asthma attacks. It helps you be able to suddenly do stairs without passing out. And, it’s great for weight loss. Just when you catch your breath, it’s time to run again. You don’t feel bored, because your pace changes every minute. Some people prefer incline intervals, but I like speed intervals. The point is, this is the kind of training I like. If I’m going to form a new habit, it needs to be something I like. Once I’m in good enough shape, we can talk about doing the kind I don’t like, but for now, I’m just going to set some goals. I would really like to run a mile without stopping. And then 2 miles, then 3, and so on.
I’ve been thinking of starting a Biggest Loser competition with my friends, only instead of competing for most amount lost, we just compete to meet our individual goals. If you meet your goal, you win. If you don’t, you lose. And then the winners divvy up the prizes. I’m worried about trademark though, anyone have a suggestion for a parody of the name? How about Biggest Schmoozer?
Anyway, that plus lots of law school is what is up with me.